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Anna, Anna, Anna, Anna, Anna Nicole, She’s So Much Nothing...by Jill Sherman -- 11/18/2002
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Several months ago, my husband, Dale Sherman, was asked to cover E! network’s Anna Nicole Smith reality show. There was hesitation on Dale's part to take on this project, but I encouraged him to do it. "It will be fun, and it's good to keep your writing skills sharp," I told him. Against his better judgment, he agreed to watch the show and write weekly reviews covering it.
I must say now that I hang my head in shame whenever I think about the fact that I pressured someone I love to take on such a frustrating, taxing project! I thought that by writing this well deserved entry into the Reality TV Hall of Shame, it would help alleviate the unjust burden put upon his shoulders! After all, when this honor was created, it seems ANS had to be the inspiration for the site.
Before seeing the first episode, I did think that this would be a very funny show and was honestly looking forward to it. However, upon watching the first ten minutes of the premiere episode, I realized we were in for a very rude awakening. It was evident from the very beginning that this show would turn into a televised train wreck of epic proportions. It was actually painful to watch! I honestly felt sorry for the camera crew for having to spend so many hours filming such a depressing, dysfunctional environment. I can only hope they got well paid for this.
ANS embodies not only everything that can be negative and destructive in women, but in the human race in general. It's amazing that her behavior during this entire show is not an act! I don't think that I have ever seen a woman, whether fictional or real, be such a complete nothing. It appears that this woman exists only to eat, breathe, and throw childish tantrums, and if she could have nutrients (or pickles) pumped into her arm via IV, she would do it to avoid having to expend the energy needed to raise food to her mouth. It also appears that her only friends are people she pays to stay with her. This speaks volumes about her. As far as being ornamental, she has a very freakish appearance that has nothing to do with her weight. The lumpy fake breasts are just plain awful. Her intellect is about the level of a five-year-old. "Who's killing the Jews?" and "Wouldn't that hurt?" are among the more advanced jewels uttered from her mouth. Even the best screenwriters couldn't think of dumber things for any actress to say.
It should be obvious that ANS suffers from a confidence deficit problem and seems depressed. This is why she eats all the time. Yeah, I thought of this too, and for a minute or two I had sympathy for her. However, as soon as she looks vulnerable and pitiful, she says something completely hateful or forces Kim or someone else to do something awful for her, just to satisfy some completely selfish infantile obsession. It doesn’t matter if this sort of demand brings Kim to tears, as happened in the amusement park episode. Then, ANS becomes totally loathsome. Even her dog cannot escape this fate, as when ANS was told that Sugar Pie would probably be happier with another dog in the house, ANS shrugs it off, saying that the dog has a stuffed teddy bear to keep it company so more companionship is not needed. The worst example of her flip attitude to those around her occurred when it was revealed that her son dropped out of school in order to escape the taunts and teasing of the other kids. It is obvious that this show has created a very negative impact on this kid’s life. And what does the loving mother do? Sign on for another season – forcing this kid to endure this torture for another year, effectively stealing another year away from his childhood. No kid deserves this.
The nonsense of some Anna-fans that ANS simply has a "a little girl trying to get out" is the silliest notion of all. Come on. Yes, tantrums and open displays of impatience can be seen as childish behaviors. But it is not endearing to see this within a person who is over 16 years of age. The sycophants living around her encourage this selfish, ridiculous behavior. For a time I felt sorry for Kim. She's nice enough – but she hasn't signed a contract with Satan for goodness sake. She doesn't have to take this kind of emotional abuse every day, so why does she do it? What can she possibly get from this? It must be some kind of bizarre form of a symbiotic relationship. Actually, I'd think it would be far more pleasant to sign one's soul over to Satan than to work for ANS.
This essay could go on and on relating what most of us feel, and my husband was just too nice to say them. You readers get my sentiments.
Perhaps ANS thinks that people are just jealous of her. I recall her saying something like, "I'm the one's who's spendin'." Yes, she is spendin' plenty of cash, but this goes to illustrate my earlier comment regarding her being an absolute nothing – a waste of energy and space. She might have some access to money, but she does absolutely nothing to earn it. And it appears that cash is the only object that holds any value for her. And well, strippers and prostitutes get much more respect from me; they actually have to do work for the cash they earn. ANS and her ilk are several levels lower on the food chain. Don't get me wrong. I'm not denigrating prostitutes and strippers. They work for hard for a living, I'm sure. But to sit around like Jabba the Hut, stuffing donuts in her face, screeching at her paid cronies, and adding nothing positive to the world around her doesn't place ANS in any high esteem.
Congratulations, Anna, you deserve this Hall of Shame Honor. Enjoy.
Jill Sherman is the wife of recuperating ANS writer, Dale Sherman. They can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Be sure to sign up for the RealityNewsOnline/Reality TV Hall of Shame e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on these sites! And take a look at the rest of the site. You can find all of the shows in the Hall of Shame listed here, all of the people who have been inducted can be found here, and click here for the Hall of Shame Moments.
You can find recaps of all the ANS articles at the Anna Nicole Smith page.
For more news about reality TV, be sure to check out RealityNewsOnline, RealityTVFans.com and SirLinksALot!
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